This original article was first published here: 4 Attachment Styles in Relationships – Which One Characterizes You?
If you’re in a committed relationship with someone, you might plunge ahead without thinking too much about your relationship style. Some people don’t even know that such things exist.
Relationship styles are something that therapists talk about with their patients quite a bit, though.
Trauma and attachment styles sometimes play a part in how healthy of a relationship you’re in. In this article, we’ll talk about some attachment styles in relationships. You may very well notice that one of these describes the dynamic between you and your spouse or partner.
Disorganized
If you have a disorganized attachment style in a relationship, that means you have difficulty trusting others, and you demonstrate extremely inconsistent behaviour. Often, individuals who exemplify this attachment style have traumatic backgrounds that lead them to act in this way.
Abuse, childhood trauma, and neglect often cause someone to become attached in a disorganized fashion. They may demonstrate contradictory behaviour in the relationship. They might show high anxiety levels and have a hard time regulating their emotions in regard to the subject of their affection or infatuation.
Those who have this style often end up driving their partner away because of how high maintenance they are.
Anxious
The anxious attachment style is another insecure style that often leads to unhealthy relationships. When someone has it, they may develop codependent tendencies with their partner. They might look to their partner for emotional regulation and validation. They may also show fear of rejection or abandonment.
Inconsistent parenting when this person was young usually leads to this behaviour as an adult.
These relationship tendencies can also push a partner away in some instances. Low self-esteem and clinginess can be unattractive, so someone who can’t get away from this behaviour runs the risk of losing the person they care about.
Avoidant
Someone who has a hard time relating to someone physically or emotionally is demonstrating an avoidant attachment style. Even if they love their partner or spouse and care about them, they will likely have a difficult time showing them that.
A parent who didn’t show this person enough love when they were a child usually causes this condition to manifest itself later on. Someone who acts this way may be dismissive of their partner and have a hard time showing them the love and affection they want. Such relationships can understandably end in heartache, just like the other two styles.
Secure
A secure attachment style in a relationship is the healthiest and optimal of these four conditions. Someone who is secure in their relationship will probably have no trouble showing empathy, love, and compassion to their partner. They are not clingy, allowing them to have other friendships without feeling threatened.
In a secure relationship, both partners will feel they are on the same wavelength. They have no problems trusting each other and can last for many years or even the rest of their lives.
It is possible to attain such a relationship, but hard work is often needed to get there.
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